know your self worth

I'd like to start this off by saying ii hate my siblings for breaking my laptop -_-.
Ok now that I've gotten that outta the way on to my topic. Now ii chose to bypass tenes topic because I'm still not 100% on what ii want to say ... Just haven't caught the vibe for it yet. However this one just struck me ( mainly because someone pissed me off).

I have an ex ( that will remain nameless for now ) that ii have knbown for some years now. We have a lot of history together I had a lot of love for him but I never was in love. The first time me and him went out so to speak my mother didn't like him and I fought and argued even stopped talkin to my mother all for him. Me and him must have dated on about 3 different occasions but none of them ever lasted for more than 6 weeks tops. Everytime we would break up we would loose contact for a little bit then hed find me n history would repeat it self again.
Except for the last two times. When I was a fresgie in college me and brandon got into a ight because of an away message ii put up ( yes.-_- an away message) he felt it was a personal attack and ii insulted his girlfriend n blah blah blah ... U know the deal. But in the end he blocked me . O wewll ii really didn't care. Now next semester he hits me up (-_-) and says he just wants to hang out so ii oblige. So we take a trip to the mall and go out for dinner ... All is well until we back to my house then the idiot comes out again (smh) and he starts asking for sex ( as if paying for his broke asses dinner wasn't enough ) so iim tellin him no and he's asking why so ii explain to him ii personally am choosing not to have with anyone until I'm in a committed monogomous relationship. Like every other guy does when ii say that he begins to tell me y he think ii should make him abn exception ( like ii really care to hear his rebutal who said this was up 4 discussion ) but any how he tries and faild then disappears wwhich to me proves his motives. Now he's trying again he's just takin a more subtle approach. Now I'm not goin to lie ii dnt always obey myrule however ii canyt be swindled into breaking it its been brokrn on my own account. But ii was thinking to myself if ii have confidence in myself and really stick to my rule ii will exude that self confidence and that attitude that let's others know what ii stand for and that I'm no joke. This dude only comes around for one thing and one thing only so I've decided to put an end it to it. I know my self worth and I refuse to let some one back into my life who doesn't :).


... And that's the way the cookie crumbles :):)

yo ho ho and a bottle of water

Hey guys n gals
ii have some bad news :(
ii stopped my 14 day detox :(
Good news is my challenge is still on :D
But yea ... Tene wants me to talk about guys but until she gets back to me with specifics that topic is on pause.
So yea not much of a cookie crmbing as of now but ii do promise to get back to it tonight love :-* hugs and kisses.

... And that's the way the cookie crumbles :):)

Ps if u have a topic for me send it on twitter :)

a jiggalin baby

* this blog is all over the place because my grandmother is ramblin about everything under the sun and ii dnt want to be rude and walk away but she is SERIOUSLY throwing me off



Soooo back on the topic of body image ...

If you saw my profile you know I'm from the queens long island area.
Now ii very rarely stay in my heavily secluded and boring area of L.I, more often than not you will find me in queens or brooklyn.
Now if your from queens you know about the ave.aka Jamaica Avenue.
Just to give you a little background on the ave, (the area I'm talking about) its about 9 or 10 blocks of nail salons hair salons random street vendors fast food places A LOT of clothing stores (mostly unknown) and just alotta other random bull shavitz.
But what's the bee's knees' about the ave ... Wweeeeeeellllll ill tell yuh :).
THE PEOPLE !
Jamaica avenue breeds a certain pedigre of people most of whom are hot steamin funky messes
Now in high school you couldn't tell me and my friends nothing. We were ALWAYS on the ave ( ave bumz in the worst way smh)
However starting with my senior year ii tried my hardest to avoid tht horrific place.
The other day me and my bestest christine decided we wanted to go to the free beach (rockaway).
This unfourtunately meant ii had to walk down the ave to catch the train ( lawd ghud plz protect mi sooouuulll ).
Sadly ii saw the same bummy boyz that were sooo cute to me a few years back doin the same xact thing they had been doing years before ( nikes jordans air forces guccis ! ... My thoughts;Umm excuse me mister where exactly is your store ? )
But tis not the stagnent boys ii speak of today noooo it is THE BIG BODIED FEMALES WHO FEEL IT IS OK TO SHOW THERE BOOTY TOOTING WAYS IN PUBLIC!
I'd like to say darn all you nasty women to heck ! Now there is nothing wrong with loving your big body cuz Lord knows ii love mine but gracious cookies please love you self in the right sized clothing.
Stop wearing a 10 when you know you needed an 18 ( I dnt care if it was the only one left and you really liked it and it was 95% off put it down in the name of the LORD!)
I seen 2 particular cases that sent me to hell on the 1252pm express train with no ac.
Case #1 this big ting apparentlii watched E! News a few nights ago about how to make your own cut off jeans deconstructed jeans and bleached (acid washed) jeans and this gyal decided to combine them all together.
That's mistake number 1 ( ur doin way too much ma ). Now apparentlii she under estimated the girth of her jello thigh and length of her inseam and took cut off to a whole nother level ( weehhh lawwd).
The acidcutdeconstruc jeans she made were not even eastern parkway on labor day ( bk ppl n west indian from ny know what ii mean) appropriate.
Mistake number 2 is that SHES OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!
No.
Nononononono
NO!
I'm not gunna even go any further ( ooo yea there were fish net stockings a matchin denim vest pleather boots a cap n a $2 tee involved)
Ok now I'm really none with her -_-.

Case number #2 is a case that hurts my heart because this young lady was very pretty aparently she was robbed ( cuz no one wit sense would do this purposelii ii hope) for her pants.
Yes ... Her pants.shorty was outside with no pants on smh ( po lil tink tink ).
It was bad to the point tht the same bummy men who holla as long as u have a vagina and atleast one stable boob were tellin her ... Its not that bad boo boo

I tell you all of this to say ... Install full length mirrors on the door that you use to leave your house
It would really make the world a better place. Like my cousin ayana( ilovehimlikeafatkidlovescake.blogspot.com pastrygirl.blogspot.com) says "be classy not trashy and showing all the ass-y".
Ladies let's be comfertable in our skin but let's keep it rated g for the public therz children around. Smh.

...And that's the way the cookie crumbles :):)

Don't Let Go its Your Show

N ALL I WANNA DO IS COSTAR


So today is my ultimate favorite groups 2 year anniversary wooooohoooooo
Day 26 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now ii love these guys LOVE! THEM! And ii jus wanted to say happy anniversarbirthdate
What kind of uber fan would ii be if ii didn't ggarrsshh :)


So again too Will ( my freakin favoritest sexy bodied scrumcious yum yum yum eat it all up half on a baby member of the group)
Que, Mike ( my second favorite cuz he's adorable) Robert and Brian. Happy 2 years as being Day 26 keep up the amazing work and keep flooring the haters with the crazy sexy cool vocals muahzzz

... And that's the way the cookie crumbles :):)



Ima put it on her imma imma put it on her *singing*


Ps if anyone can tell me how to get my picture up through my blackberry that would be wondiferous thannxxxx :).

Tenizzy Ashbizzy

So ii asked on twitter this am what ii should talk about next on (duhn duhn duhn) The crumbly cookie :) and of course @mizz_nay responded (follow her plz).
She said ii should write one about her so ... What the hey iill do one about tene.

So ii met tene at freshman orientation at The Mary Louis Academy we were in the same homeroom, Fm 5 woohooo lol we didn't xactlii instantlii become freinds but we were kool we spoke durin mornin hmroom but nuffin too much.
Now sophomore the universes aligned n put me n tene in a but load of classes together ( and ii must say you made my chem labs much more bearable miss ).
This is the year me an tenes freind ship bloomed. I'm gunna skip junior year bc ii honestlii don't remember it (=/) and skip straight to senior year.
Senior year the universes were yet agen aligned bc me and tene again had classes n frees ( eh hmm unscheduleds ) together.
We bull shitted thru gym along with noelle n christine. But honestlii what ii remember the most is that we just couldn't keep our asses outta trouble ii swear trouble looked for her n my big mouth was always there to defend.
One of the memories ii have wit tene is ... The foyer incident we not gunna get into wat happened bc ii vow to be a happy person. But she deff knew from tht insident if she aint noe b4 that ii had her back 110%.
Everything thing else that year was pretty kool and mellow ( hahahhahah rotf ii jus remembered the miss wiginfeld shit wen she yoked u up on the wall ... Ok sorry iim back).
We started college together at the great qcc (blehh) and boy did that produce nothing but drama (niggas tryna split us up nay !). I went from tene being my left hand mans ( cuz u never saw us w/o eachother on campus) to me at one point wanting to kill her
But alla tht is petty drama that ii won't even rehash.
All jokes aside tene is one of the best freinds I've ever had and can honestly say that because the amount of times people have tried to split us up don't make no cotton pickin' sense. Me and tene always find a way back to each other and we kinda telepathically know when one of us is pissed at the other.
Its because of her that ii met one of my most amazing and silly freinds leonard (extramedium90.blogspot.com)
And its because of her ii haven't committed murder. All in all tene knows she has me no matter what and no body is ever gunna change that.

Word to the wise when you have good freinds hold on tight always get to the root of a problem your having because you just might loose the most amazing person on earth. I'm glad ii never lost you tene. I love you.


... And that's the way the cookie crumbles :'):) ( happy tears)

(wo)man in the mirror

Well goodmorning loves :)

First ii want to say thank u for the twitter love I've been gettin from various people (and a few organizations believe it or not =D)
Its very much appriciated guys n gyals :-* besos.

Anywho this morning ii wanted to talk about body image. Why? Because my little sister came up to me and told me she needs to go on a diet with me.
Those of you who know kaila know that this littlw girl is no ones type of fat. Those of yoou who don't ill discribe her. My little sister ( who is 8 btw ) is about 4 foot 5 and weighs no more than 60 lbs she's very active ( too active) and she wears a xs or s dependin oin the brand of clothes.
Now the fact that my baby sister wants to diet with me maybe cute to some people cuz your like "awwww she wants to be like her big sister" NEGATIVE ! She might want to be like me in some aspects but not this one.
Unfourtunately my little sister has a very distorted veiw of reality when it come to her body image as do many other FEMALES.
(Nice lil segway right right lol)

I have never been small a day in my life. Never wore a size 6 infact the last time ii wore a single digit size ii must have been in the 5th grade. I loved myself I was very comfertable in my skin, however when ii got into 4th grade my father started pushing excercise on me ... ii didn't want to do it AT ALL. I thought ii was fine the way ii was.
Then as I got a little older my dr (Dr. Fink and Dr. Obselom [sp?]) Started pressing me about my weight. I didn't see the problem yea ii was a little thicker than some of the other girls ii had more curves ( ii had a c cup by 6th grade ) but ii could run around and more than keep up with them in the school yard.
I could go year by year about how ii gained weight but it all ends the same ... I felt great. But as ii entered hs ( The Mary Louis Academy thank you :) ) ii noticed there were girls with boobs just as big as mine hips just as wide and buts jus as big BUT super super flat stomachs and much smaller thighs than mine.
This is where my battle with body image began. In my 4 years of hs ii was anorexic, ii was buliemic, ii took diet pills , you name it ii tried it. I knew it wasn't healthy but ii wanted to b one of those girls that guys tried to talk to EVERYWHERE ii went.
I wasn't satisfied with being average ii wanted my appearance to blow minds.
Now I'm not going to blame society for my "issues" however ii think it plays an important role in young girls self esteem.
When all our little girls have to veiw as beauty is a size 2 woman and a super slim girl they are conditioned to believe that that is the ideal idea of beauty.
Now don't get me wrong there is nothing with being slim especially if you are natuarally that way but ii truly believe that we need females of different body types and sizes to accurately represent beauty.
Now on the flip side I'm not sayin to be huge and odious n rotound bc we all know that there is a point where the fat becomes unhealthy.
But if we as a society would find a healthy balance between what they deem as fat and beautiful we could eliminate a lot of the issues both health wise n mental that a lot of women n girls have.
An 8 year old girl should not be upset because she does not look like miley cyrus just as a woman should not be upset because she doesn't look like hiedi klum or niki minaj. Honestlii don't you think it would be a really boring world if we all looked alike.
Today ii pose a challenge for everyone to be happy with the man or woman in the mirror and for us to teach our children that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes (and complections) and its ok to be different in that sense
Ill be back later ii need to go tell myself how amazing ii look today 40 lbs over weight and all :)

... And that's the way the cookies crumbles :):)

PCOS

Anyone who has seen me around babies knows that ii absolutelii ADORE them. Anyone who has heard me talk about my future knows that ii want to have a lot of children. What most people don't know about me is tht ii have poly cystic ovary syndrome. I'm not gunna die or anything it just makes it extremely hard to have children. I found out that a lot the issues that ii have that some ppl think are due to laziness and such are actually an effect of my condition. For intance ii have gained a lot of weight in the past few months which is 55% my own doing but it has become increasingly hard for me to loose sed weight. I've known that ii had this condition since my freshman year of high school but as silly as it sounds ii never care before ii recently read a "fml"the other day after doing sum research ii found out why my skin was getting so dark and splotchy and why ii was breaking out so badly ( many more why's but no need to list them all). While reading up on the syndrome ii found out that ii quickly need to cut sum of my bad habits such as smoking and drinking. I already stopped smoking and am proud to say I haven't smoked since April (for diff reasons). I've decided to stop drinking as of today ... Shouldn't be a problem for me ii have freinds counting on me to actually stop so they're my motivation. Even though there's no cure for pcos it can be treated a number of different ways. At this time ii don't have the funds for most treatment so iill do wat ii can which is where my 40 pounds in 40 days challenge comes in. ii can help myself by gettin healthy bc ii know for a fact ii dnt eat healthy at all. Loosing the 20 pounds I've gained and a little more may not put me at "healthy weight" according to charts but its a start. Any how ii just felt like talking about that a little bc ii find it amazing that pcos affects 1 in every 10 teens but no one talks about it so ladies if u found this thru google just know that your not alone :). For more info on pcos and its treaments go to the link ii have attached( ii think its attache =x) and educated yourself dnt leave it ALL in the hands of drs.

... And that's the way the cookie crumbles.

(Jus in case ii didn't post the link here it is http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/pcosinfo.html )

I am Mr. Cooper and I support this diet

So last night ii was talking to mommy and ii told her I'm challenging myself to a 40 lbs in 40 days challenge starting on the 25th of aug ( today ) well normally mommy is atleast 75% supportive in my endevours but my father eeehhhhh not suh much. Like my self my father is very stubborn and feels his way is always the right way but today ii was delivered the shock of my life. I asked daddy to go to the store and buy me a salad ( he started arguin about how the BROWN lettuce in my fridge was fine ... Umm no ) so he leaves with my little sister and comes back wit mc.don.alds bags but shocks me when he holds up a path.mark bag full of fruits and veggies and GREEN lettuce (yayyyy daddy) he then goes ii support ur diet and walks away. This may seem like nothin but for my father this a large step and it jus makes me smile on the inside to know that ii have his support in something :) awww ii love you daddy

Now as ii sit here and munch on my salad chock full o' veggies I'm gunna imagine all the beautiful cows and chickens sayin thank you for not eating me lol
... And that's the way the cookie crumbles ( or the salad crunchesfor the next 40 days atleast) :):).

Cuz its like that ... and thats the way it is

So ... Howdy ya'll lol iidk ii just didn't really feel like sayin hi or wassup or ne thing like that but yea.
Welcome to my blog. This isn't my first time with one but its going to be my first time actually going through with it. Ill start by explaining my reasons for making this particular blog.


Well for starters I'm a very ... observant person. And sometimes ii feel a particular way about the things ii ...observe. So just as a disclaimer this blog can and will be about any and everything that ii feel like talking about. I'll go from post that will make you histerically laugh to post that will start heated debates because ...well ii feel like it. O another disclaimer anything thing ii say is strictly my opinion anyone is welcome to debate it (infact ii encourage it ii love that) but please be respectful because the second you come outta line you will feel my wrath. But enough explanations about the blog let's get to know the she that is me ! =D
I'm a 19 year old female from greater NY I'm of jamaican descent (as well as others but ii identify mostly with my jamaican fam). I am very opinionated and ii kinda dance to the beat of my own drum ... Tht doesn't mean tht ii dnt sample from other ppl ii just know how to make something my own . I'm a pastors child ii grew up in a "complete" family ( no horror stories over here) I've always been very loved by both of my parents no abuse or anything like that that from them . I'm the oldest of 3 children my monkey sibling are 13 and 8 (my little sister turn 8 yesterday Happy Belated Kaila). I may not always be the best role model for my siblings but dammit ii do try . Ummmmm ...oooo my family is MY WORLD ii honestly have no clue what ii would do without them my family to me is more than my household. It stems from my bestest freinds in the whole wide world Shanneka and Christine to my cousins ( peep my cousins blog ilovehimlikeafatkidlovescake.blogspot.com). To my grandmothers. And so on and so forth ... Point blank I'd kill for them no questions asked. O and Day 26 ii wouldnt be a real uber fan if ii didn't mention my love for them ( ii <3 u willie !!!!!!!). Um thatz all for now on the about me /my blog tip soo toodles
... And that's the way the cookie crumbles :):)